So I seem to be suffering from a mild case PTSD

[Joan]

Had a nice phone assessment with local NHS group, and it seems that the panic attacks I am having after my collision are due to PTSD. Hadn't really understood that the call.  What really scares me are cars to my left behind stop signs, the same relative position to the car that hit me.

Amazing the therapeutic power of a phone call.  I feel some way to getting better just understanding what

[Regulator]

Mr R has had quite good success in using EMDR to treat PTSD and it’s NICE recommended.  It might be worth seeing if you can get referre by your GP to someone. 

[Joan]

I had the followup call with treatment recommendation: intense CBT, waiting list 8 months!

Turns out that was just a prelude, they can set me up with a trainee quicker than that (not sure yet how quick).  A trainee is a fully qualified and experienced counselled who has just complete an Intense CBT course.  that sounded perfect to me, I agree my case it straightforward: single incident etc.  Nice to be able to give back a little in helping someone finish skilling up - they are badly needed.

Not sure of the timescales: 'Jacqueline will get in touch."' That was late Friday, so it wasn't going to be that day.  Whether it turns out to be Monday or in 2 months I will find out shortly. 

[Iris]

Private health insurance? Spare cash?

I can recommend this book if you like reading (recommended to me by a psychologist I saw): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anx ... ming+books

It's general, but has specific chapters on different kinds of anxiety. There's a sister title in the series: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Tra ... ming+books

[Joan]

Vickster from ... another place has gently nagged me into buying on ebay the 2017 of the bike destroyed in collision. If the photos are accurate, it was a bargain.

[Hill Wimp]

Sorry to hear this Joan. I have several colleagues that have suffered in the past and all credit EMDR as their saviour. It's a practice that our support system in the Police now use a lot due to the good and quick results.

[Joan]

A little update: I have continued cycling but with little pleasure, but two remarkable things happened over the last couple of days

1. I've moved to the top of the NHS waiting list, and met my counselor. It was mostly a getting-to-know-you, but we discussed what I hoped to achieve. I said I wanted my joy back
2. The next day I put off a chore (cat feeding) until after dinner, and finally cycled the 17km there in the dark. I ended heading home after midnight last night and with the roads practically to myself, I caught myself singing. OMG, I was happy!

so, progress.

for the record, this is what I was singing:

[Rutabaga]

Excellent news, Joan.

[Joan]

2 steps forward and one step back.

I went for my first "proper" ride during peak hour. That's proper as in long enough that I can't get off and walk and still reach my destination. 35km round trip in this case. 3 times on that journey a car came from the left and entered the road as if I wasn't there. If I hadn't taken strong evasive action, they would have hit me. One time roaring "stop" at the top of my voice, loud enough to hurt. My voice is very loud when it isn't hurting, so I imagine it was final-approach-to-heathrow loud.

Then I saw a cyclist down on a route I often cycle. Attended by police, and badly enough injured that they left him lying on the road, under a space blanket.

And then there is poor @The Real Ravenhurst. Sorry, just kidding. Get well soon.

Good news is these haven't driven me off the road, just stopping my singing.

[Rocky]

Well done @Joan getting out there - it can't be easy. This is not the best time of year to be riding - but spring is not far away.......and it's my favourite time of the year.

[Joan]

[Rocky]

Good on you, Joan!!

[Joan]

So, here's the thing. I am mostly over the PTSD. I am a little cautious of cars on my right at roundabouts (especially those who don't seem to be obviously braking), but that's not pathological, just a natural reaction to not have the repeat of the same collision. I am not paralysed with fear.

My first proper ride after the collision was a trip to Kingston Upon Thames. I found every car to my left terrifying, and by the time I reached Kingston bridge, I was shaking. I had to get off and had what I now realise was my first ever panic attack.

And now, every time I return to that spot, I have a mini panic attack. It's only in the bike lane, which is protected by a huge concrete barrier. I am fine on the actual road, or in the centre bus lane, and I am fine crossing the other way. But that bike lane has my pulse racing and me shaking. It's kinda crazy Not worth further treatment because it is literally only just at the crest of the bridge. The bus lane requires me to negotiate a roundabout and stick to the right lane with possibly an angry car driver up my arse until I get to the lane, and also sometimes an angry taxi driver or bus driver honking at me, but that's all fine. No tremors at all.